No shit!

I went to the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas.

The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.

Hat tip to Yankee.

UGGG!!!

Holy shit! What a day! I accomplished almost everything I wanted to today. Garden tilled, CHECK! Garden planted, CHECK! Oil in the Bastardmobile changed, CHECK! Oil changed in The Blondemobile, CHECK! I did not, however, get around to changing the locks on the house. I just didn't think I could physically or emotionally handle dealing with the 12,341,234,879,865,434 geriatric mo-fros at Home Depot (no, Pauline wasn't one of them, she was at home with me) this afternoon in order to purchase the locks…..my ass was dragging.

I'm happy I got the big projects done (with help from The Blonde and the father in law), but I am so glad it is over. I'm SO damned tired. I tend to forget that I am not a kid anymore, even though I act like one most of the time. I have been driving a frickin' desk for the last 10 years. Driving a desk for that long doesn't lend itself to keeping oneself in shape for doing all day outdoor activity. I'll be the physical equivalent of hamburger meat tomorrow, I'm sure.

Note to self: Yes Mark, you are 38 years old and can't hang with the kids anymore.

BFD.

The money whores in Redmond are tapping a new market. 

Project day.

The following is on this Bastard's agenda for the day:

1. Oil changes in both cars (yep, I do it myself).

2. Go rent a tiller and get my garden tilled up.

3. Plant said garden.

4. Change door locks on the back and front doors. Looks like some bastard has been trying to jimmy the back lock with a screwdriver. If it's The Blonde's ex, he best be aware that if he gets caught I'll shoot him dead, no questions asked.

5. Fall over dead at the end of the day.

So, needless to say, posting will be lite.

Windows XP stuff.

Geek alert. Some cool tweaks for XP.

Disclaimer: If you do any of these and screw your machine up, sorry about your luck. Don't call me. 

Happy Birthday Hippy Joe*!

Happy Birthday Dad!!!! I love you very much and I hope you had a great day today!!! Sorry I couldn't have killed a case of beer, or two, with you today. If you weren't good today, I hope you were good at it. 

*Hippy Joe: nickname given to Dad when he was working the Alaska pipeline in the 70's 

Friday Chuckle 4/28/06

A very elderly but bright-eyed gentleman, very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel smelling slightly of after shave, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady tricked out in a modest but very becoming cocktail dress. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"

Not writing sucks.

I absolutely hate not writing. I've had numerous e-mails asking me to start back up, so I'm going to. However, if any more bullshit happens like last time, I'll shut this fucker right back down and permanently. So play nice kids.

Closed until further notice.

I love writing. I always have. Like real life, my writing tends to be a bit more than most people care to hear. I am not going to apologize for that; it's who I am. Sometimes I make mistakes. When I do, I say I am sorry and do my best to make amends. Everyone seems to be on the rag here lately, and it seems to be being vented here, or behind the scenes, about something that was written here; post or comment. I'll fix that. This fucking blog is closed until further notice. You wanna have a case of the ass? Go some place else.

I knew there was a reason I quit this shit in 2002.

I’m gonna piss almost everyone off.

I recently posted something that blew the roof off of Casa de Bastard. I pulled the post and apologized for what I wrote. Yes, I was very much in the wrong. I wasn't thinking about the impact of what I wrote.

Today I posted something that was meant to get a reaction from people, and it worked (62 comments at last count). I meant what I wrote about the zits and the hair; wasn't made up, but I wrote it in a manner to elicit a response. All in good fun. Everyone started busting on everyone else. The tone of the comments had me laughing my ass off. Everyone seemed to be having a good time at my expense. Cool, I helped some people smile today. I had to check out of the "blasting" to take my daughter, whistle britches, to a birthday party for a friend.

I got back to the house and sat down to watch the Cup race in Phoenix, not realizing that somebody had a burr in their ass. After the race I got an e-mail from the matriarch asking me to pull a comment made by The Blonde about my brother Adam. "Huh? What the fuck happened?" So, very curious, I go a lookin' for this offending comment (hey 62 comments are alot to look through). I find it, read it, don't find it offensive; have said worse to him to his face. What the hell is the problem?

Ok, time to re-read the e-mail. "Please take the comment down cause it pissed your brother off." Hmm. Ok, let me re-read the comment that was posted. Nope, I don't think so. As I said earlier in this post, everyone was having fun, busting on everyone else. Almost everyone that was commenting was family; Mom, Adam, Gina, John, Carol (mother-in-law), Pauline…..rule number one, only family can bust on family. Still looking for the problem. Not seeing it.

From Adam's own website:

OK,…. Here are the rules…

1. I am going to post what I want to post. If you don't like it, or it hurts your feelers…..Sorry bout yer fucking luck.

2. If you have an opinion feel free to express it. Bring my family into it…. Yer ass is banned.. FOREVER

3. If your opinion differs from mine, post it. God made us different for a reason. Who knows after a new look on things my opinion might change.

4. This place is uncensored…PERIOD!!! If Profanity or Vulgarity offend you. Leave

5. This is a place for self expression and reflection. My thoughts are my own. If you don't like them, that is your problem.

Ok, someone got busted on and called in Mom to take care of the problem. Here is my take on that:

1. Mom, Adam is a grown man and should be able to take care of his own problems. I found it interesting that he never said anything either publicly or privately to me that he was pissed about The Blonde's comments. Nevermind, I just found the e-mail from Adam (updated 12:43am). You should know better than to allow yourself to be dragged into the middle of someone else's issues. I appreciate you trying to make peace, but not necessary here.

2. Adam, be a man. If you have a problem with something that is posted here, or a resulting comment, don't be a pussy and use Mom as a go-between. If that doesn't work for you, follow your own rules. See above for reference.

3. Pauline, don't take everything so fucking personally. If someone says something that you don't like, fuck them in the neck. Just 'cause we are all related doesn't automatically mean we agree. There is no conspiracy. No one is out to get you. End of story.

4. And for anyone in this viewing audience that thinks otherwise, yes Pauline is family, and yes, she is allowed to bust on family. If there is a problem with that, it's yours.

Hope this cleared up a few things for the people who were confused.

Fuck! It's crap like this that makes me wonder why I even started doing this shit again.

I am about two fucking seconds from shutting this thing down.