Archive for March, 2006
A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are Comin' and I grinned."
"Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling', and I had to smile.
"Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself."
BUT, your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'… I just lost it."
Hat tip to Sparky.
I have been a network administrator for the better part of nine years. I have heard just damned near every complaint ever voiced about computers. One that wears my ass out is the password complaint.
(L)user: My password doesn't work.
Me: Do you have your caps lock on?
(L)user: No! I always check that!
Me: What does it say now?
(L)user: Your account has been locked, or something.
Me: So you tried the same password at least three times and it still didn't work, huh?
(L)user: Yeah, I guess so. Can you tell me what my password is?
Me: No, I can't. I can change it to what you want it to be as long as your new password falls with in the constraints of the password policy.
(L)user: Huh? You mean you don't know what my password is?
Me: No, but I'd be glad to change it for you (if it will get me off the phone with your dumb ass).
(L)user: Oh hey! I got it to work. (Yeah, dumbshit, cause I unlocked your account and you pulled your head out of your ass and remembered what your password was.)
Me: Oh? What did you do different?
(L)user: (chuckles nervously) I was using my AS400 password instead of my signon screen password.
Me: Hmm. Imagine that.
I have heard complaint after complaint about having to remember a bunch of passwords, and (L)users don't understand why they have to be changed from time to time. Look, that is just the nature of working with computers. Get the fuck over it! Please!
You interview for a job, the job requires that you have some experience with a computer, using a computer involves remembering your passwords, so what the hell is the problem?
What irriates me more than anything is dealing with the aforementioned password situation with someone who has had multiple years of college. 'I am smart enough to graduate with a masters degree but can't remember my password'.
Case in point is this dickhead. He, to his credit, admits that it is a 'pot, kettle, black' article, but it irritates me nonetheless.
*STFU: SHUT THE FUCK UP
My ten year old showed up, delivered by the evil one of course, for my normal Wednesday night visitation. My progeny arrived bearing a chess set. "Dad, I love this game. Do you know how to play? No one at mom's house knows how to." Seems she learned it in summer camp. "Do you know how to play?" Heh! My dad taught me to play chess when I was just about her age. I loved it. I loved it so much that I actually joined the Chess Club when I was a freshman in Bloomfield, NM. Yes I know, very geeky. I was good enough at it to go to the state championship tournament. I got my ass kicked, but it was fun. So, here I sit this afternoon gazing into my daughter's beautiful blue eyes as she plots how to stomp dad's ass in the mud on the board. I was smiling all night long, and was beaming with pride at her intense concentration. She reinforced my belief that she has a very analytical mind by her tactics. The first game was all Kamikaze and shit. She had no problem trading valuable pieces for a tactical advantage. It was, I believe, very thought out on her part. She knew, I mean REALLY knew what she was doing it, and why. We played five more games after that. One game she caught dad unawares and wound up dinging me for my Queen. Brat! I kid. It was dad assuming he was going to kick her ass and not paying attention. Note to self, don't do that again, the kid is sharp!
If you want to teach your kid to plan and to think, and think logically, teach them chess.
It appears to be the day for stupid quizes. My results on this one didn't shock me a bit.
89% Dixie. Do you still use Confederate money?
Hat tip to Larry.
Yes, yet another stupid quiz. My results were NOT what I expected.
You scored as Satanism.
Your beliefs most closely resemble those of Satanism! Before you scream, do a bit of research on it. To be a Satanist, you don't actually have to believe in Satan. Satanism generally focuses upon the spiritual advancement of the self, rather than upon submission to a deity or a set of moral codes. Do some research if you immediately think of the satanic cult stereotype. Your beliefs may also resemble those of earth-based religions such as paganism.
My grandmother would have a shit-fit.
A buddy of mine recently started his own blog and posted one rule for commenting on his site. I read that and it made me realize that perhaps I should do the same thing. So, here goes:
1. You can bust on me all you want. The minute you drag my family into it, your ass is banned….for the life of this blog.
2. I have no problems with people cursing. Let it go, get it out of your system.
3. If you know of good porn sites and you do not immediately let me know about them, you suck.
Yep, I think that is pretty much it. I reserve the right to amend these rules without notice.