Hat tip and many props to my buddy JC for finding the link.
Archive for January, 2010
Hat tip to JC.
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper’s cemetery in the Kentucky back-country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man, I didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn’t know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I’ve never played before for this homeless man. And as I played ‘Amazing Grace,’ the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I was opening the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, “I never seen nothin’ like that before, and I’ve been putting in septic tanks for over twenty years.”
Boy if this doesn’t strike a nerve. Do yourself a favor and google the lyrics.
The Dallas Cowboys: It took me awhile to calm down enough to talk about the fucking disaster that was the NFC divisional round. I have no idea who those sons of bitches were who were impersonating my ‘Boys, but they sucked shit through a dirty sock. The offensive line reminded me of the Maginot Line during WW2; useless and couldn’t stop shit. When Flozell Adams went down, it was over. One of the largest offensive lines in the NFL and they couldn’t stop a wet fart. It didn’t help that Jason Garrett had his head up his ass when calling plays. HELLO! When your line is getting killed, you don’t leave your QB under center and call 5 step drop plays. Your quarterback is going to DIE! Dumbass. The defensive secondary showed what I have suspected all season, THEY SUCK! I guess if I have anything positive to say, at least the defensive line showed up to play, but Minnesota’s O-line also showed up to play.
Employed: As it turns out, I ain’t. I got the word on the 14th. They called it a departmental reorganization; elimination of the position, I believe was the exact wording. I had to sign this fucking 9 page separation document absolving them of any stupidity, malice, or other wrong doing before I was eligible to receive a severance package. I did. Fucking severance was under $1000. Shit, I guess two years of service doesn’t count for much these days. FUCKERS! I am eligible for unenjoyment, but that won’t kick in for another week. This shit is going to get TIGHT.
The IRS: I received a ‘Notice of Intent to Levy’ from the fine folks at the fIRS (fucking IRS) exactly one day after I found out I lost my job. This notification was because I defaulted on an installment agreement. Well there is a reason why I defaulted; the blonde has been laid off since May of last year. The choices were: 1. Eat, pay rent and bills or, 2. Starve to death and live on the streets so long as the fIRS gets their money. Pretty easy choice in my mind. So I give ’em a call, and lo and behold, I got a real live human being with some compassion for our plight. Turns out when life gives you a big enough shit sandwich to eat, the fIRS will work with you. They have this list that they can place you on called “currently not collectable”. What that does for said victimized tax payer is stop any levy attempts, or further collection proceedings until you can get back on your feet. The down side to this, and there always is one with the fIRS, is that there is now a federal lien on any wages I might make in the future. The way I heard it is, “we are going to help you out, but your ass belongs to us now”. There wasn’t much of a choice; put my ass on the list.
So there ya go, that has been how 2010 has started out for this Bastard. I ain’t going to say it can’t get worse, cause sure as I do, it will. Quite frankly I just don’t know how much more I can stand without killing someone.