Archive for May, 2010

Memorial Day, 2010

Posted in General on May 31, 2010 by bofh69

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher, who has given us freedom of religion.

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter, who has given us freedom of the press.

It is the VETERAN, not the poet, who has given us freedom of speech.

It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer, who has given us freedom to assemble.

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer, who has given us the right to a fair trial.

It is the VETERAN, not the politician, who has given us the right to vote.

Mark’s prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank You for the day today. Thank You for the opportunity to live in such a wonderful country. Father please bless our nation and give us the courage to remove the cancer that threatens to destroy us. Please help us to restore this nation to it’s former greatness and its many freedoms.  Father please bless the souls of all of the young men and women who have laid down their lives in the service of this wonderful nation. And Father, please bless and protect the young  men and women serving in our nation’s armed forces, both here at home and abroad in hostile lands. In Your Son’s name, Jesus Christ, AMEN.

Friday Sunday Chuckle, 5-30-10

Posted in Friday Chuckles on May 30, 2010 by bofh69

H/T to The Blonde.

Rate the babe, 5-29-10

Posted in Rate the babe on May 29, 2010 by bofh69

Tell me what ya think:

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AAARRGGGHHHH!!!

Posted in General on May 28, 2010 by bofh69

<rant>

Like Canadian geese, a bounced check, or the evil one, the fucking landlord from hell and his bitchy wife have returned to once again make my life miserable. For those of you not in the know, my landlord lives next door to us when he is not wintering in Arizona. He is a gruff old bastard who is incredibly difficult to deal with.

How he became our next door neighbor instead of just a landlord is a sad, sad story. The previous tenants, Rhonda and BJ (no shit, that is really his name), lived there for 8, almost 9, years. By all accounts, good tenants. They took good care of the place, paid their rent on time, and were awesome neighbors to me and the Blonde. They were never loud, and generally kept to themselves. So, about 4 years ago, perhaps 5, the Dark Landlord of Crankiness and his equally crabby wife showed up and informed Rhonda and BJ that they were going to be parking the RV in their back yard and hooking into their sewer, water and electric. Long story short, Rhonda and BJ didn’t think much of that idea, the cops got involved and the landlord evicted them. Yep, simple as that, evicted them. Apparently there is no legal recourse for a renter who has been wronged by a landlord in the great state of Oregon. So, tails between their legs, Rhonda and BJ moved and the Blonde and I have been stuck with the landlord from hell ever since.

Two years ago Darth Landlord showed back up here from his annual journey to the land of the sun and illegal immigrants and proceeded to promptly piss me the fuck off. He had this incredibly dumbassed idea that he was going to drill his own water well in the back yard. By hand. I know, boggles the mind, doesn’t it? So he is out back hammering on an all metal drilling spade, and turning, hammering and turning, and hammering and turning. POOF! Me, “honey, wtf happened to the power?” The lights had gone out and I just KNEW Darth had something to do with it. Sure as shit, he had cut a power line in his efforts. No power is bad enough, but no power after dark really blows. So we all had to wait for the geniuses at Pacific Power to fix Captain Douchebag’s fuck-up. I guess his experience with the power company changed his mind about the well, because very shortly after this he had a concrete company out pouring a slab over the botched attempt. After the slab was poured, he tore down the wooden fence between our two properties and erected a fucking eight foot high corrugated metal fence. I seen that when I got home from work and I thought, you have to fucking be shitting me?!?! You half expected to see Lamont and Pops pull up in an old beat-up, faded red pick-up truck. Cue ‘Sanford and Son’ music:

To say I was livid would be somewhat of an understatement. The Blonde and I are anal retentive as hell when it comes to the appearance of our home; both inside and out. However, there wasn’t fucking thing one I could do without risking getting evicted like BJ (heh!) and Rhonda had.

Last year, Darth Landlord and his partner in evil showed up, and like always, the sense of dread set in. “What the fuck is the crazy old bastard going to do this year?” The first day, yes, the first motherfucking day, the old bastard comes over and tells me, “Mark, I sure don’t want to raise the rent on you, so I have a proposition for you.” Oh fuck, this isn’t going to be good. “Rather than raise your rent, I’d like to use your dumpster and yard waste containers.” I’m thinking, well, I don’t like it, but it is a livable solution to ‘no raise in rent’. Then the other fucking shoe dropped; “I know you have a wireless network set up and I’d like to hook my computer up to your internet.” Ok, enough is enough. “Well, Darth, I can’t do that. I am contractually bound to my employer to maintain the integrity of my home network because it maintains a persistent connection to the home office. They could fire me and have me arrested for violating that contract, so there is just no way I can do that.” Some of that was true, some was bullshit.  He looked like he was going to go for his turd-sabre, but thought the better of it and acquiesced. That was how LAST year started.

To make the fact that he is home even worse, neither me nor the Blonde have gone back to work. Yay us, we get to be around the old bastard all day, every day now. If you see a mushroom cloud in the Pacific Northwest, you’ll know this year got off to a good start too.

</rant>

Friday Chuckle, 5-28-10

Posted in Friday Chuckles on May 28, 2010 by bofh69

Stole it from….   Shit, where did I steal that from??

A Louisiana Lawyer

Posted in General on May 27, 2010 by bofh69

H/T to Hippy Joe.

Part of rebuilding New Orleans (after Katrina) often caused residents to be challenged with the task of tracing titles to their homes; back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here is a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer:

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove a satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. It took the lawyer three months to track down the full title to the property which dated back to 1803.  After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply..

(Actual reply from FHA):

“Upon review of your letter adjoining your client’s loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin.”

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

“Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana  was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application.  For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea-captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus’ expedition. Now the Pope, as I’m sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana . God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God’s original claim to be satisfactory.

Now, may we have our dang loan?”

The loan was immediately approved.

A Guy Fairy Tale

Posted in General on May 25, 2010 by bofh69

H/T to Roy.

Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, “Will you marry me?” The Princess said, “NO!”  The Prince lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles, and went fishing and hunting, and played golf, and dated women half his age, and drank beer and scotch, and had tons of money in the bank, and left the toilet seat up, and farted whenever he wanted.

The End