Family Reunion Camping Trip 2011

Ah yes, ye olde family reunion camping trip. Typically a fun time is had by all. We all gather at a predetermined location, most usually at one of Oregon’s many lakes, to get caught up with one another, go hiking, play games, drink some adult beverages and generally enjoy ourselves.

This year’s camping trip was none of the above. Almost none of the family showed up. Of those of us who did show, no one remembered to bring any of our outdoor games. All of us received an L for Lame on that. And to top it off,  the mosquitos were so bad everyone felt like that dude in the old OFF! commercials who was sitting in a tent full of the son-of-a-bitches.


The late Spring and non-existent Summer here in Oregon has created a larger than normal population of the winged vampires. We were sitting around the campfire the first afternoon and swatting at the little bastards when the wife pops off with, “These fucking mosquitos have stripes!!” I chuckled and replied, “Baby, they all have stripes. These goddamned things are just big enough for you to SEE the stripes.”

The Blonde is covered from head to toe in bites. It was like the repellant we were using was water. The first night we stayed at the lake she didn’t get any sleep because she was wide awake scratching herself silly. And as a result, I was up too. Someone scratching their bug bites on an air mattress is like a dog scratching fleas on a water-bed. WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE, WIGGLE!!! FUCK!!! STOP SCRATCHING, DAMNIT!!! Secretly I felt bad for her. No, I haven’t gone soft. I seriously thought about punching her in the ear hole so I could get some sleep.

Day two of the trip was more of the same; pretend like you are enjoying yourself while your system struggles mightily to replace the blood that was sucked out of your body the previous day.

Me, the Blonde, her Mom and Dad all went for a hike around the lake. Boy ‘o boy was that a mistake. We were sitting ducks! I swear I heard the mosquitos laughing when they seen my mother-in-law in black pants. Those pants were like a homing beacon for the little pricks. She had a swarm around her legs and ass the whole hike. She claimed she never got bit. I HAVE to call bullshit. She HAD to have gotten bit. HAD TO!

So here we sit, three days removed from the camping trip goat rope, and the bites itch as much now as they did when we got home.


2 Responses to “Family Reunion Camping Trip 2011”

  1. OH MY FUCKING GOD! I hate those little blood sucking bastards!!!!!!!
    I am covered from head to toe in bites. I have never been so miserable in my entire life. STILL itching. And not to mention falling off the back porch on Sunday night and fucking my ankle up. That is a weekend I would really rather not repeat, EVER AGAIN.

  2. Sounds like fun!! We went to Lost Lake a couple times this summer and were mosquito bait as well… They even followed us home IN THE CAR and we were bitten the next day… :O

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